Sam here....
So, today, in Communications, I found my mind wandering. I was on Jacks Blog, Butterflies&Hurricanes, re-reading his 'Long Ago' series (Link here), and I realised that whoever reads this, probably knows very little about how I reached this point in my life. So I'm going to try and fit it into one post.
So, I'm the youngest of 3 kids. I have a brother and a sister.
My sister got almost all A's in her exams, got an honours degree in college, got published in an engineering journal, got a great job and now has her own place. She's 23 and the absolute star of the family. She went to one of Irelands oldest and richest colleges. Like the Irish Harvard, is what it would be compared to. So she's great. I was in her apartment last week, I walk in, and there's this bong sitting on the table, with what I can only describe as tentacles coming out of it, and a block of hash on the table. So she's the great one. Who does drugs. But it's ok. Because, you know, she's the great engineer.
My brother. He's 21. He dropped out of College the first time, he was doing biomedical engineering. Then he worked in a shop for a year, was (and still is drinking heavily). He went back to college to do business and management. Went in about once a week. Failed all his exams and repeated his first year. So He passed first year the second time around, and has just failed his second year exams. He's just always out drinking, there's no consistency. He has no job, never goes to college, he's wasting his life basically.
Then there's me. I don't know what to say. 19, passed my exams, in college now, passing by. I'm the gay one, although my mother has told nobody, she's still dealing with it. I'm just starting to go out more, like the nightlife and men and all that sort of thing. I'm beginning my adult social life, if you will.
My mother has nicknamed me 'Bowie', because she's convinced I'll marry a girl and pop out some kids. But I know that I'm 100% gay. I presume she told my father, but he and I haven't spoken about it since. Or, ever, for that matter. He just told me to be subtle, and not get beaten up.
But maybe my father isn't like the typical dad? I mean, I'm 19, and he has yet to try his hand at teaching me about condoms, shaving and driving. I know all except driving. So will he keep his distance, or is this the norm?
Em, I'm going to deal with the past now.
So, I had a few best friends until I was about 10. Then I met a group of people from the streets around my area. And that was fine. But it wasn't. They were horrible. They treated me differently, and although I didn't know it at the time, it was horrible.
I didn't really know any differently, so I stuck with them, with loyalty undeserved. You know the way, looking back, everything seems to have a golden shimmer almost? Well this is just grayscale. I went with that set of friends until I was 15, and I met all the 'cool kids'. Oh, they smoked, drank, took drugs and they hung around on an abandoned golf course and they were so grown up. In my eyes, that is. I had a few good times, but mostly, especially towards the end, it was more about the drugs.
My parents, seeing sense got me away, and thank god they did. I was friendless for a while, but this was late 2005/2006, and I had a job which was to occupy most of my time, so I didn't really feel alone.
Summer 2006, One day, I went to the shops to get something for my parents. I met a mutual friend and talked to him for a while. His phone rang and I heard someone say 'We're on our way'. 'Who?' I asked.
I met a group of about 8 people, all normal, nice. They said hello, and whatever, just the usual smalltalk. Then, as I was leaving, I was asked would I be around later. I said yes, just because.
I went out that evening, not knowing what to expect. I went out, to the green up the road, and they were lying in the fresh grass, on a summers evening, listening to somebodys iPod speakers. I'll never forget the song, it was '7 minutes in Heaven' by Fall Out Boy. I laughed, socialised, met everyone, had fun. And got numbers.
This, October 2008, I'm still friends with those people. They are my inner circle. I came out to them, they though it was cool, and asked questions like if I get turned on by my own cock, and, in my view, it hasn't changed their opinion of me.
So, now I'm in college, and I swear, it's like being back with the shit friends. Their constantly announcing everything to be 'gay'. They make fart noises. Their in college. I mean there's a limit. I digress.
So yeah, this year, I'm feeling the exam bite of last year surprisingly. Most of my friends are in the year below me, doing what I did last year. Studying 24/7, only coming out on the weekends, barely.
So as the year goes on, about 70% of my friends will become more, and more distant. Which is shit. But, I'm driving to meet new people in college and throwing myself into volunteering for the Scouts. So I should occupy some time.
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