Twitter

Oh yeah, I gots me a twitter! Follow me, you filthy bundles of sticks!

http://twitter.com/SammyRay

Bendable Poseable by Hot Chip

So,

 

I’ve the hiccups, for the last, like, hour and it’s wrecking my head! Grrrrrrrrr!

Anyway  I’ve been having a weird few days. Yesterday, I got such a blast from the past, and I now remember some details I’d thankfully forgotten. Basically, I met this guy in County Cork when I was there last September, it’s mentioned in a post, I’ll quote the line:

“I saw this guy, Dan, and we kind of went back to mine for 'coffee'. He left on Sunday morning, we packed up our shit, and got back on the bus, and when people fell asleep, the markers came out and we drew cocks and stuff on peoples faces. It was a brilliant weekend!”

So it’s universally understood that it was one night stand, yeah? So what if I took a simple country boys virginity? Anyway, so after that, like THE FOOL that I am, I gave him my real number. Yeah, I know. So on the bus home. I start getting messages, but don’t write back because I don’t have call credit. So I get the same message. Again. And Again. And Again. And then a different one. Again. And Again. And a missed call. And a voicemail. Creepy, much?

So he had all these wild notions that when he was in Dublin he’s drug and marry me, meet up with me, and we’d spend a romantic weekend together. It was a one night stand. Let it go! So anyway, I let him down gently, and lose touch thank fuck!

Until yesterday, and asks me am I going camping again this September. And being the naive clown that I am, I actually text back and start a conversation. And then, as I sit in my Maintenance principles of constants lecture, look at me phone and see 7 New Messages, this wave of oh fuckery washes over me, as I recall his ways. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It was a one night stand 7 months ago! Gah, my head is wrecked with it. My hiccups are gone though, and that’s a good thing :)

Oh, I had amazing rampant bumsex earlier. It was gooooood, but a teeny bit weird. Right, so you guys should know of the hot straight footballer who often dabbles in rampant bum action? Yes, well he lost the key to the locker rooms where we have sex (Hello, is that Sean Cody?), but he has another fuckbuddy who has his own house. So HotSexyStraightFootballer, brazen as you like, asks this guy can we use him spare bedroom for rampant bum sex. And yer man says yes!

So I arrive outside this average looking house with himself, and he rings yer man, who opens the door. Older man, silver fox (40s I’d say). The house was fabulous, cream everywhere, paintings and lamps to beat the band.

HotSexyStraightFootballer and I were in his spare room. For an hour. It starts with a kiss, and just some spooning(I know what you’re thinking: Straight? hahaha) and leads to ME being the BOTTOM? Jesus kids, don’t talk to me about a burning ring of fire! Woof!

Ah, and the older man gave us condoms, lube and towels, as well as actually being really really nice. He didn’t disturb us at all either. I text HotSexyStraightFootballer to get his number actually…

Oh man, can’t believe I bottomed….

Can't Get You Out Of My Head [Soulwax Kyluss Remix] by Soulwax

Hey Gays!

Don’t worry, that above picture is me, the day I turned eighteen. Yep, I entered adulthood looking like Gay Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

And this is me a few days ago:

Me? Airbrush using Adobe Photoshop 7.0? Never! One more smart arse comment like that and I’ll have you killed!

But seriously, thank god I got a haircut before I went out gaying it up. No man would ever touch me with hair like that. And imagine trying to wash cum out of that?! ugh!

So I’ve grown in a few ways. Now, I think of all the people I’ve met, how ever so slightly I’ve matured and the future is like a freshly made bed after a long nights drinking.

Until something you thought you had taken care of, bites you in the ass, like a motherfucker. I’m, of course, talking about Jack’s boyfriend, (each word is a different link to the 6 posts about his new bf, BTW) and how I’m ridiculously not ok with the whole thing. I know more from talking to him, than what's in his posts. Let me explain anyway:

As ye all know, I spent the weekend with Jack, in his city in “Europe”, last February. We had a fantastic time together. We went out together, had sex, went clubbing, and just had an amazing time. The thing is, we weren’t boyfriends, and nor are we ever going to be. It’ll just never work, and although we never had that conversation it was understood.

So I love Jack, and he loves me. We know more about each other than most people, most married couples. So naturally I feel protective of him. He’s like the parent, the friend and the boyfriend while only being one out of three. I’d go out of my way to help him.

I fucking hate Joe. And Jack know that. I’ve said it out straight. I don’t like Joe, for the way he’s trying to rush Jack into things, the whole ‘delete your online profiles’, ‘lets get married’, and' the ‘wear my ring’ bullshit. He’s not changing my Jack. No fucking way am I letting that happen. What’s next? “Jack, give up that silly blog, you spend too much time online”, “Why is Sam coming over? What does he want? He’s a bit young to be a friend, is he not?”

I hate this guy, because it feels like he’s stealing from me. BUT JACK IS NOT MINE. And I know that. I know it well, and I shouldn’t feel this possessive and jealous, and it’s actually horrible, but I do.`I feel like a fucking psycho for hating this guy that obviously makes Jack happy.

Am I being selfish? Yes I tell myself, BUT something doesn’t add up about Joe. He’s in a fuckload of debt, and could be sponging off him. He could be in trouble, and could need Jack to protect him. Anything. Something doesn’t add up. Why. WHY after 2 weeks of knowing someone is he so intent on bagging them? Why? I need to know. I want to know and protect my Jack.

When he was telling me about Joe for the first time, he said he told me and Jake. I said I was fine with it and that I was happy with it. And it worked for all of about 30 seconds. Then I burst into tears and he said he’d been expecting that, and was waiting for Jake to do the same. He reassured me that nothing was going to change, and that he’d explained to Joe that nothing was going to change, and that I’d still be number one. I felt better, but my resentment, hate and jealousy towards Joe remained.

Weirdly, words Jack had said to me months earlier rang true at that very moment:

After some talking I promised I'd be his friend forever, unconditionally, and that I would always be there when he needed me. He might not realise this, but I've only said this to two other people in the last 34 years, and I have kept that promise with both Matthew and Victor, despite everything that happened between them and me. When I say this to someone it really comes from the heart, but I wouldn't make such a promise if I thought I couldn't live up to it.

We’ll see where this goes. Time is a great one for revealing things…

Oh, and Jack’s blog can be found here, if you’re interested in adding it!

High Life by Daft Punk

Hey Gays!

So, as it’s been a very mundane week, I’ve no burning issue to talk about. Our government is more and more fucked up. I hate Calvin Harris. I got a bag of 400+ baby photographs today, which I will scan and show ye in the future.

But anyway, is there ANYTHING ye want to know? Like anything at all. What did I have for breakfast? what size shoe am I? How big is my dick?

ANYTHING GUYS!

Comments, or Mail me and I’ll do a post on answering your questions.

Thought I’d just throw this in too. Sam, circa 2004:

Sexy, right?

Super Trouper by ABBA

Hey gays!

 

So my holidays are over until the summer. I have 2 weeks of college left, 2 weeks of exams and then I’m finished 33% of my course! Scary is the word like.  I’m going to get the finger out for the next month and pass these motherfuckers, but so I’ll be able to get on my way.

My direction is still entirely unknown. I still haven’t a clue, but I can see once I’ve got my exams, because then I actually get a choice.

Ooh, I protested for my civil rights today! This photo is like Where’s Wally? sort of. I’ll make it easy for ye :)

I was a little disappointed actually. We went, assembled at central bank, and just listened to people talking. There was no march, no demonstration, no civil disobedience. Maybe an hour stood on a big plaza, with a stage was enough, but I feel it wasn’t. If you search Irish news sites tonight, you’ll find no news of this. After today, the 800 people gathered means nothing.

Fuck this. We need sit ins. We need to start egging people. How about the gays, with our 2nd Class citizen status start throwing wedding cake at politicians? It’s not like we’re going to get to eat it. I’ll never have a wedding day.

Hey, why are the blacks allowed marry? They were lesser people once. Now, in an equal society, the blacks are equal, but the gays aren’t? And Women? Back to the kitchen. Make things equal, stop bullshitting us about. Stop the absolute stupidity. We’re making it easy for you.

Fucking cunts! Just get it over with.

You’re not going to change opinions by keeping things the same.What, are you waiting for all the close minded people to die, before you change things?

Toy Soldiers by Markita

Hey Gays!

I’ve been living by myself for the last little while. Since Monday. Parents and brother left the house, and left me a crisp €50 note. So I head to the shops, get meat, rice, bread, cheese, milk and other shite needed to sustain myself. I also bought a bottle of vodka just for me, and I’ve two events in the next week that involve drink, so it made sense to buy in bulk.

I went to PrHomo last night. I had the college gays over last night, had a bit of vodka, fun, just being social, you know yourself. Shots of sambucca were €2 each. I got very very drunk on free shots. If we found small creme eggs around the bar, you get a free drink. It was brilliant, found 3 eggs.

So this morning, I get up, and my floors were pink, brown and sticky. People had spilt drinks in the downstairs of the house last night, and so it was a bit messy. I had the shakes and was dizzy when I was mopping, it was horrible! But the house was clean and I had a dinner made, a massive lasagne.

Johnny comes home today, Friday, and the ‘rents are home Sunday. I’m in a fucking fowler with Johnny. I spend all this time cleaning and cooking, and he just comes home, complains that dinner isn’t ready, and fucks off to work.

Cut to 9PM tonight, and he arrives home from work with a bottle of wine and two bottles of beer. He proceeds to blare music, drink it all, and is gone drinking in town by 10PM.

It’s depressing, and I’m not sure why. It feels like it’s building up, and I’m not sure how long I can bottle things up for before there’s a blow out. I’m actually getting upset writing this, so I’m going to change subjects now, ok?

I’m heading back to “Europe” to see Jack in late June for a week as well. I’m really excited that I get to go back like, should be good fun.

Need You Tonite by Mylo

Hey Gays!

 

I’m in an awkward place. There's something there and I know I want it, but I know I shouldn't want it.

After this year, I’m taking a gap year to figure myself out. Basically, as you know, I despise  my course.

So I’m getting this years exams, and applying for a year out, so I can do a bit of charity work, travel, maybe get a job and just tie up a few loose ends.

And I’m looking forward to it. Life in education doesn’t appeal to me. I knew that years ago, and for some reason, I applied to go to college?

So it’s just another 6 weeks and I’m free to figure my life out :)

 

In other news, I’ve booked a week back to Jacks super secret location! At the end of June, I’m jetting off to see himself for a week. I’m seriously excited about it. The last 4 days just flew in really.

And the ‘rents are leaving me in the house by myself from this Wednesday to Friday. And PrHomo is on Thursday; Pints are €3, shots are €2, and they’ll be hiding Easter eggs around the bar, and if you find one, you get a free shot of sambucca!

So I’m having to college heads over top the house Thursday for a few pre going out drinks! So it’s shaping up to be a good night!

Heartbeats by Jose González

Hey Gays!

I’ve tried and tried. And now I’m tired. I’ve said my piece on the subject of my brothers alcoholism before, here. But things have gone from bad to worse.

And the people responsible don’t seem to care, or are so fed up, that nothing will get said.

I’m sick to death of it. Like my parents go away to the country house most weekends now, just to get out of the city for a while. They have to lock the bedrooms, except mine and his and lock the room with the drinks cabinet in it.

I’m not allowed have my friends in. My parents love my friends, and my friends love my parents. Sure mammy was in with us last night telling baby stories about me. But if I’m allowed have people over when their away, by right, so is he.

So that means no fun, no movie nights, no sessions. In the hammerings of rain on a March night, and I have a big, warm, empty house, we can’t use it in case he comes home and then has all ‘the lads’ over to wreck the place.

No. it is so upsetting. I’m trying to be detached. I’m trying to not care, to keep thinking ‘It’s between them and him’, but it’s more and more in my face. he went out Friday morning, my parents went away for the weekend Friday afternoon.

He came home Monday night, breezed in, sat down and opened the paper like nothing had happened. And nobody said a word.

But the previous day, I heard my parents arguing over how to deal with his alcoholism. How they can’t put up with it. How their worried sick.

I don’t want to hear my mother crying. He doesn’t know his impact. My sister got it together, moved out and is successful.

Sister and I know the score; And there’s no point in playing happy families when we no it’s the opposite.

So why don’t I say anything to him? Because I’m the youngest. I feel like I shouldn’t have to have this as any of my business. But it is. And I need to get involved.

I don’t want to go into his room to grab deodorant, and find bags and bags of empty cans, vodka bottles, bottle of wine. Anything with Alcohol.

It’s disgusting. And friends are noticing. He was found out on the street in front of the house at 7AM once. Another time, he ran into family friends, and proceeded to make a show of himself.

Can you imagine the shame my poor mother felt?

(I’m no fan of my mother, but she does not deserve this. Every family has tiffs, but this is different.)

I need my parents to be frank. I need them and myself, and my sister to sit down, and draw up a solution for him. Whether it be stealing every cent he makes, following him about, talking to local outlets, asking them not to sell. Anything.

A happy family would be good. Nice.

Please.

Oh What A World by Rufus Wainwright

Hey Gays!

So, this thing, we like to call “religion”, what’s it all about? Personally, I believe that there is a god, it’s just now what anyone thinks it is. Like there’s something there, we as mortals are just letting our imaginations loose, as to what it is!

But the pope? That has got to be a joke! He’s supposed to be gods representative on earth, but it changes every time one dies! Where’s the logic in that?

So this facking clown claims he’s like Jesus, except not really. Hold on, Jesus made us, and loves us all, blah blah blah, BUT. not the gays? Because we’re filthy. And where’s there’s gay marriage, there simply must be “clear and emphatic opposition”.

Just like you opposed the Jews, eh popey?! All up there on yer high horse!

Work it sister!

Ah, and the whole ‘don’t be eating meat/boozing/having fun on Good Friday’. thing. Firstly. No. When I worked in a supermarket, on the Thursday before Good Friday, we’d be sold out of meat and booze by mid-afternoon. Good Friday is the perfect party day, everyone has the day off work! 3 day weekend anyone?!

And Jesus died at 3PM on Good Friday? Was that Irish time? I mean, those fiddly books written thousands of years ago are the most reliable source I’m ever heard, to base your entire belief of a higher being on, what about you?

And Condoms? Ah! These magical things that are spreading AIDS. How could I forget!

“You can’t resolve it with the distribution of condoms. On the contrary, it increases the problem.”

Silly Pope.