Hey Gays!
Don’t worry, that above picture is me, the day I turned eighteen. Yep, I entered adulthood looking like Gay Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
And this is me a few days ago:
Me? Airbrush using Adobe Photoshop 7.0? Never! One more smart arse comment like that and I’ll have you killed!
But seriously, thank god I got a haircut before I went out gaying it up. No man would ever touch me with hair like that. And imagine trying to wash cum out of that?! ugh!
So I’ve grown in a few ways. Now, I think of all the people I’ve met, how ever so slightly I’ve matured and the future is like a freshly made bed after a long nights drinking.
Until something you thought you had taken care of, bites you in the ass, like a motherfucker. I’m, of course, talking about Jack’s boyfriend, (each word is a different link to the 6 posts about his new bf, BTW) and how I’m ridiculously not ok with the whole thing. I know more from talking to him, than what's in his posts. Let me explain anyway:
As ye all know, I spent the weekend with Jack, in his city in “Europe”, last February. We had a fantastic time together. We went out together, had sex, went clubbing, and just had an amazing time. The thing is, we weren’t boyfriends, and nor are we ever going to be. It’ll just never work, and although we never had that conversation it was understood.
So I love Jack, and he loves me. We know more about each other than most people, most married couples. So naturally I feel protective of him. He’s like the parent, the friend and the boyfriend while only being one out of three. I’d go out of my way to help him.
I fucking hate Joe. And Jack know that. I’ve said it out straight. I don’t like Joe, for the way he’s trying to rush Jack into things, the whole ‘delete your online profiles’, ‘lets get married’, and' the ‘wear my ring’ bullshit. He’s not changing my Jack. No fucking way am I letting that happen. What’s next? “Jack, give up that silly blog, you spend too much time online”, “Why is Sam coming over? What does he want? He’s a bit young to be a friend, is he not?”
I hate this guy, because it feels like he’s stealing from me. BUT JACK IS NOT MINE. And I know that. I know it well, and I shouldn’t feel this possessive and jealous, and it’s actually horrible, but I do.`I feel like a fucking psycho for hating this guy that obviously makes Jack happy.
Am I being selfish? Yes I tell myself, BUT something doesn’t add up about Joe. He’s in a fuckload of debt, and could be sponging off him. He could be in trouble, and could need Jack to protect him. Anything. Something doesn’t add up. Why. WHY after 2 weeks of knowing someone is he so intent on bagging them? Why? I need to know. I want to know and protect my Jack.
When he was telling me about Joe for the first time, he said he told me and Jake. I said I was fine with it and that I was happy with it. And it worked for all of about 30 seconds. Then I burst into tears and he said he’d been expecting that, and was waiting for Jake to do the same. He reassured me that nothing was going to change, and that he’d explained to Joe that nothing was going to change, and that I’d still be number one. I felt better, but my resentment, hate and jealousy towards Joe remained.
Weirdly, words Jack had said to me months earlier rang true at that very moment:
After some talking I promised I'd be his friend forever, unconditionally, and that I would always be there when he needed me. He might not realise this, but I've only said this to two other people in the last 34 years, and I have kept that promise with both Matthew and Victor, despite everything that happened between them and me. When I say this to someone it really comes from the heart, but I wouldn't make such a promise if I thought I couldn't live up to it.
We’ll see where this goes. Time is a great one for revealing things…
Oh, and Jack’s blog can be found here, if you’re interested in adding it!
10 comments:
That was almost painful to read!
as in, I moaned on, or the actual emotive content?
I think you should try to analyze the roots of your feelings a bit deeper than you did (or at least than you revealed in this post). People are like that when they are in love, seriously. If you do not realize that, maybe you have to wait for couple of years when love hits you on the head. YOU ARE TRYING TO PREVENT SOMEONE YOU ARE CALLING YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM BEING HAPPY. Think about it again before saying doing things you'll regret. It's always possible to put it into a nice way, like "I don't want my friend to be hurt", but it unfortunately seems to be a cover for behaving selfish and mean.
Sorry for being so straightforward, but I don't want to be misunderstood here, and I cannot put it into nice words.
Ok here is my two cents. I completely understand the predicament you are in Sam. You see your friend who dating someone you dont like. I see it happen all the time.
But here is the deal. From my personal experience, bring it up once or twice with Jack, putting out there exactly how you feel. Then its up to Jack to take your advise and run with it, or he can stay with this potential scumbag.
i do feel as though for being Jack's age *no offense*, he should know better than to use the word Love and jump into something so quickly. Love isnt something that happens after 2 weeks of knowing someone. Lust yes, Love no. Possibly this guy Joe is just looking for a relationship so he will try to commit to anyone who shows interest.
My advise to Jack, slow down, take it easy. There should be no rush to fall in love and commit to anyone within a few weeks of knowing them.
Firstly, I'd like to thank whoever voted this post as being shit :)
Etre - "People are like that when they are in love, seriously. If you do not realize that, maybe you have to wait for couple of years when love hits you on the head."
Ok, so I have no idea what love is, and I have no idea what Jack is feeling. Maybe I am just way out of my depth, and I'm just trying to figure it out.
"YOU ARE TRYING TO PREVENT SOMEONE YOU ARE CALLING YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM BEING HAPPY. Think about it again before saying doing things you'll regret. It's always possible to put it into a nice way, like "I don't want my friend to be hurt", but it unfortunately seems to be a cover for behaving selfish and mean."
I feel really selfish and mean. AND I SAID THAT IN MY BLOG. Reread the post. I know Jack would tell me to shut the fuck up, and stop being selfish if I was being selfish. But I'll keep this in mind, maybe I am being selfish. I'll have to figure it out....
JEFF:
"bring it up once or twice with Jack, putting out there exactly how you feel. Then its up to Jack to take your advise"
I did. I'm not going to say any more, unless my opinion is asked. And I know Jack is wise, he'll do the right thing, he's no fool.
Why don't you copy snd paste those last two paragraphs of your comment into a comment on his blog, and hear what he'd say?
Time changes how people feel, too. You will get over feeling this way. I live on the other side of the Earth, and I don't know shit about shit, but I honestly don't think Jack's gonna knock you off the totem pole any time soon or even in like a million years. You've gotta let the ball roll where it goes. The ball being Jack. Unless you really are in love with him, at which point I would advise you to get on the next plane out and profess your love My Best Friend's Wedding-style! Worst case scenario, Joe takes all Jack's money and dumps him, and you'll be standing there like, "Need a hug?"
Hi Sam, I read your post thoroughly before posting a comment. My point is that still it is sending out mixed messages. I think that either you are not completely honest with yourself or you are hiding some of your thoughts from your readers.
In any case, I hope that you'll reach peace in your mind about the current situation, whatever decision you take.
@etre: i'm going to need to take a step back for a while, and re-evaluate the whole situation
good point!
Indeed, I expected you to feel miserable about me having a boyfriend. But until now you have done what any close friend would do: point out the red flags, tell me to be careful, support me, and tell me that you are happy for me (which I know in fact you are). Warning me for Joe's possible ulterior motives is not an act of jealousy, or at least I don't perceive it as such!
It was me who told you to write a post about the night we Skyped and you cried at the start and laughed at the end of that conversation. I said it was bound to be an interesting post. When I read the reactions, I worried that you might regret having written it. I really hope you don't.
Jeff,
I think I only said I was in the process of falling in love, not that I was in love. Thanks for your advice: I will indeed take it slow!
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