“Self Lubricating Orifice”

playing the straight card is actually really really funny. I’m not being all like “the tits on her. I’d like to fondle her self lubricating orifice” or whatever the kids are calling it these days. No, I’m just playing it cool. The nod and smile, you know yourself.

Now, with the serving staff, there’s a few things that unnerve me about them. The guys mostly look like people I’ve had sex with. Yes, same facial structure. But sure up here, the guys are either really hot, or really really not!

Now the girls mostly have stripper names. Chelsea. Sharon. Lisa. Cassie. Gemma. Strippers, the lot of ‘em. But there’s 2 kind of ‘groups’ forming. There’s the hot little peroxides, and the not little's. So the hots and the nots, basically. And I’m so so nice to all the not hot girls.

And today, while scrubbing burnt soup out of a pot I could easily live in, I had an epiphany.

The less attractive women remind me of my mother, and I want her to be happy. Like the plump girl, with the northern accent is my mammy. And if that girl has no self confidence, she’ll not bag a man, and there’ll be no kids with decent parents. So I was my mammy type to get all confident, meet my father(try to follow) and have future me’s.

I’m fucking insane! And the pastry chef is either overfriendly or sexually frustrated. In the vegetable fridge. Meet me in 5 minutes ;o)

My broadband speed is less than 10kbps. Shite, I know.

Oh yeah, I got paid. And I was bitterly bitterly disappointed. And with good fucking reason too! I earned £115 for 31.25 hours work! Now, to put that into your currency, dear readers, that’s:

• $235 Australian Dollars
• €134 Euro
• €189 US Dollars

Boo this, I say!

Money, Rust, City Living & A Shuffle

Boo this, I say! I’m not getting paid for last weeks work because the place I’m working doesn’t want to do an international cash transfer! Northern Ireland is technically the UK, and the Rest of Ireland, is The Republic. So I have to go back up, and open a bank account, which is some serious hassle!

My Nokia E51 stopped switching on or charging. I brought it back. Yer man with the glasses took it apart and found a load of corrosion and rust on the main circuit board, caused, I think by working in the kitchen. So I need a new phone, and I’m thinking the LG Viewty or the Nokia 5800. I’m going touchscreen.

I’m currently living in Dublin, have been since Monday afternoon. I like it here, it’s always busy busy busy. I’m defiantly a city kid, and I hope it stays that way. While I’ve been here, I had a talk with himself. I basically asked him where we stand. And we now don’t have a status. He can be with whoever he wants when I’m not in Dublin. I just don’t want it talked of, I don’t want to see it and I don’t want to hear of it. And we’re not allowed get in a relationship. Those rules apply to both of us, and I’m happy with it. No guilt if I get with someone and he has freedom to do who he pleases. And I’m hardly the possessive type anyway.

Dublin Pride *rolls eyes* is this weekend. And I’m going to miss it. Oh no, I’m truly crushed that I don’t get to ask a rainbow to vomit on me, so I can be a spectacle as I walk to a gay bar with loads of screaming Marys. Oh no, how terrible.

I have a 1st generation iPod shuffle (the long white ones) and it won’t turn on, sync, or charge. Any suggestions?? Like I plug it into the laptop and it doesn’t say something has been plugged in and no lights come on, on the iPod?

A Dull Shine

Now the honeymoon period has worn off & I want to go home to my big anonymous city. The village I’m living in has 1,065 residents. The Dublin Metropolitan Area has 1,661,185 residents. A little bit of a difference. I miss being able to walk down the street, and have nobody know who I am. I miss not paying 39 cent for a text message. I miss my friends living within walking distance of me. I miss public transport that doesn’t stop running before it gets dark.

I’m lonely, in case you haven’t put 2 and 2 together yet. I’m also out of money. I can’t walk the 6 miles (I Google map's it) to and from work. the buses stop running 5 hours before I finish work.  Taxi’s are getting expensive. They have a driving culture up here. You turn 17, and you start driving, simple as. So the public transport isn’t widely used, so it’s not frequent. Where I live, buses are every 7 minutes, and on holidays and Sundays, their every 15 minutes.

Work is weary. It’s a constant demand. It’s just constant noise, screaming, demand demand demand. And like 9 or 10 hour days are just shitty. Like really shitty. I’m going back to Dublin on Sunday until Wednesday, so there’s something to look forward to.

 Current Listening - Sing Songs Along by Tilly and the Wall

Norn Iron!

Ok. So now I'm in County Down right. Got a little Vodafone thingy today,
the little stick thing in the side of the laptop, and I have full signal.
but here. I can't access the dirty sites because I have to be over 18. So I rang them, and they want me to travel the 55KM
back to Belfast to show them my passport! Fuck that shit, right?

see here?

Can anyone suggest a good proxy site please? And not the usual suggestions, because China Vodafone have them blocked too!

A few observations of the north:

1)'wee' and ‘aye’ are the cutest words ever.

2)Their horrible to each other up here, but in a nice way. Their sense of humour is warped slightly!

3)headphones. Nobody uses them. Like nobody. Was on the bus today, and nobody had them in for the whole trip!
It was so so weird, everyone was just silently looking ahead!

4) Oh my god are the buses expensive up here. Like I'm talking about €4 just to go to town,
and that's a single! Jesus Christ, I'll be on the bike!

Everyone says hello to everyone. And I've like started at it too. Like walking down the street,
everyone says hello to you! Don't even know you, and they'll still say hello!

News travels fast. Like uber fast. I'm 'claires nephew who's working up in the hotel for the summer', to the people in the
chip shop and everywhere else. Either that or 'the new boy from Dublin'. I've been here for like a day!

neighbours are nice. Like my neighbours and the woman across the road, and the woman in spar that knows my aunt all told me that if I needed anything,
just pop in, and I'm more than welcome. My neighbours in Dublin have lived there since I was 13 and I don't know their names. A world of difference!

Minced beef - £2.89, lasagne sauce and sheet - £1.49, Cheese - £0.99. Things are so cheap! I love it.
A lasagne for around a fiver! The way to do it!

Oh my god the racism up here. But it's not like nigger this and nigger that, it's like observational racism! Today I 
was talking to one of the lads and his exact words were 'their all fuckin' called sanjay and ranjay and manjay. Why don't they have normal names
like Tom and John and Paul?' I swear, my jaw was on the floor!

Oh yeah, I'm working in a hotel kitchen washing dishes for the summer. But it's not as shit as it sounds, the lads are great craic and there's a machine for cleaning everything!
The dishwashers are about the size of a whole washing machine! Like everything is on a conveyor belt so there's none of this 'manual labour' here!

I have the wages thing figured out roughly. I'm basically getting the UK Irish minimum wage. Like 20 Marlboro in Ireland is like what, €8.30? and minimum wage is €8.65.
Now, here, 20 Marlboro will set you back £5.41. And minimum wage is £4.77. So it all makes sense!

I love norn iron!

Docks, Jobs & A Lack of Understanding

 

I think I got the job. Right. So last night I went out to PrHomo, and proceeded to get very very drunk on €2 shots and €3 beers. So I had an awesome night. Like the best night in ages. And those girls fighting outside the bar was a classy touch for closing time, dare I say! Chinese food, a taxi, 3 hours sleep, and I was in the car!

I went to Belfast! Today I got up at 7AM after 3 hours sleep and drove to Belfast with my dad! We went to IKEA! Oh my god, them pesky Swedes have this whole ‘happy happy brainwashy’ thing down! Like you have to walk through every section before you can get out. That’s how difficult it is! But it’s awesome, I saw my future apartment, piece by piece. Aye but, it’s fierce easy to spend money like, you don’t see it rack up!

I also had a job interview today. And I think I got it. I went in and was waiting for like twenty minutes and finally yer man comes out. Mid twenties, bandana, tattoo’s and piercings. Grand job, he knows the youth obviously, so it should be easy to relate. I talked a bit with him, gave him all my details and he said he’s be in touch. So Monday or Tuesday, I’m getting an induction!

So now, I’m back in Dublin. Things with himself are still weird, because I still don’t know where my intimacy limit with him is at, and what he’s looking for, so I’m confused central. But I text him twice and he never text back. So now I’m doing an awesome job or pretending that it doesn’t bother me! pfffft, yeah right! This feels very like my little stalker last September. The shoe is on the other foot now!

Now in relation to the job, I have no idea of hours, wages, or what I’ll actually be doing. But if I actually get a decent set of days, say 3 days plus, I’ll be moving north. But here. I’ll have to get like public transport, broadband (there’s no phone line) and it means paying taxes to the icky British government! Boo that!

And application of the day is RocketDock! It’s like the mac dock thingy except for windows. tres handy! LINKY!

The Future Is Lit Up. Unfortunately It’s Thunder&Lightning. WOW This Is Certainly A Long Title!

 Dlisted is HOT! Like superbly hot. It’s sharp, witty and current. I’m loving it like Tilly and the Wall or Cyndi Laupers discography! All of the above are the steaming hot shit of the week. I’m not going to youtube you, because I’m not your standard blogger! I don’t ‘do’ youtube.

I may not make it to Europe. I actually may not. I’ve a job interview on Friday, in the north, and if I get it, I’m taking it properly like. Money is so so important to pay for next years college, and to live off like. Especially in a recession like, a job’s a handy thing to have. Which is totally shitting on Jack. And I actually feel like such a prick for wanting the job, kinda. But I need this, and I always said, job comes before holiday! So that’s that.

I’m so so shit at playing it cool. I meet someone nice. And he texts me. And then I either seem really distant or clingy! I suck at playing it cool! More to come on this, as it happens.

I’m working on my garden. And it’s coming along lovely! PHOTO TIME! :)

Coming along nicely!

Shooting The Bandwagon

So, I’m not one to ride the popular topic wave. I don’t really talk about who I’m voting for. It’d be nice to be allowed get married and give blood, but I’m not holding my breath. But the thing I was to talk about, in not a wholly positive light, is kids. Like, gays having kids. 2 daddies and all that jazz.

Now, I’d like to be a father, to be like how my dad is with me, being there. It’s lovely, when I’m 30ish, settled down, hubby, the standard pipe dream. But is it such a good idea? Now don’t get me wrong, we deserve to have kids, just as everyone else does. Fuck the straights who say no, etc, etc.

Now, the reason I don’t think so, is that too many men spoil the child. I have a friend. One of many, if you will. Lets call his Rob. Now Rob has 4 older brother, in the 20s and 30s, while Rob himself is just 18. The mother isn’t exactly the motherly type, more a disciplinarian, than anything else. In our group of friends, there’s a mix of boys and girls, right. And we mix, like the hormone-fuelled adults that we are. But there’s a few who aren’t exactly the smoothest people. Rob being one. He doesn’t know how to be around girls. Like, it’s as he’s socially awkward in the prescience of them. It’s just, painful, almost, to watch.

And I am convinced, (but not necessarily right) that it’s because he never grew up with a standard female role in his life. And yes, it does seem to point to the obvious Nature-VS-nurture debate, but can I just ignore that for a minute?

I just think, he’s never learnt to smooth the edges out around girls. I’m just thinking, a child, acquired through whatever means, to a gay couple, will be mainly surrounded by either women(ala lesbians), or men(ala gays). So would this child not try be like the parents it idolises? So if a girl is brought up in an all male home, would she not be more likely to be a lesbian?

Now I AM FULLY AWARE that these are the views of those poxy family values again the filthy fags organisations. But it was just my thought, and I wonder does it make me anti-gay? Even though I am one? You cannot imagine my confusion!

Freedom, Irresponsibility & Dangerous Driving!

So, like, I’m free! I’m actually totally free. I finished on Friday, and went for cocktails, went to a teenage house party and saw my friends! So I hit 3 separate social groups all in one night! A great start. So Saturday, went to a house party, it was alright, caught up with old friends and people with the fakest personalities I’ve ever some across in my whole entire life! So that was interesting, to say the least. Good night all the same.

So yeah, yesterday, I went for a drive with Tom, from Gay Sky Hooker. He borrowed his mothers car, and we went to the beach. Good times had by all, got an ice cream, stared at the DILF’s. That night, we went for a night drive, a cruise, if you will. It was actually so so much fun!

BUT yesterday wasn’t without drama. I cleaned my room last night, threw out bin liners of old clothes, and ooh, it feels so so good! But I get a call when I’m neck deep in clothes, right, and it’s a friend of mine who had just been to the shop where my brother works. He was out of it, drunk and on god knows what else, while in work like.

There’s several lines he’s crossed, but this is totally new. So the house is like an ice tray, there’s spontaneous fights erupting left right and centre in the house like. He’s moving to a house down the road with 5 other college people on Thursday. He’s all packed up, but my mother doesn’t want him to  go, so she can keep an eye on him, I presume.

Sister is moving home today, or tomorrow. He lease has ended today, so it’ll be tonight or tomorrow. There’s more change afoot in the house. There’s an old shed and a pond in the garden, and the parents are paying me to clear out the old shed, and that. Easy money like, and because the sun’s going to shit on Ireland all day every day for the next month, I’m getting a marvellous tan before my holiday to go see Jack!

The 23rd of June, is the date I’m heading off on, if I don’t get a job, and that’s fact, innit?

And how are you? :)