“Self Lubricating Orifice”

playing the straight card is actually really really funny. I’m not being all like “the tits on her. I’d like to fondle her self lubricating orifice” or whatever the kids are calling it these days. No, I’m just playing it cool. The nod and smile, you know yourself.

Now, with the serving staff, there’s a few things that unnerve me about them. The guys mostly look like people I’ve had sex with. Yes, same facial structure. But sure up here, the guys are either really hot, or really really not!

Now the girls mostly have stripper names. Chelsea. Sharon. Lisa. Cassie. Gemma. Strippers, the lot of ‘em. But there’s 2 kind of ‘groups’ forming. There’s the hot little peroxides, and the not little's. So the hots and the nots, basically. And I’m so so nice to all the not hot girls.

And today, while scrubbing burnt soup out of a pot I could easily live in, I had an epiphany.

The less attractive women remind me of my mother, and I want her to be happy. Like the plump girl, with the northern accent is my mammy. And if that girl has no self confidence, she’ll not bag a man, and there’ll be no kids with decent parents. So I was my mammy type to get all confident, meet my father(try to follow) and have future me’s.

I’m fucking insane! And the pastry chef is either overfriendly or sexually frustrated. In the vegetable fridge. Meet me in 5 minutes ;o)

My broadband speed is less than 10kbps. Shite, I know.

Oh yeah, I got paid. And I was bitterly bitterly disappointed. And with good fucking reason too! I earned £115 for 31.25 hours work! Now, to put that into your currency, dear readers, that’s:

• $235 Australian Dollars
• €134 Euro
• €189 US Dollars

Boo this, I say!