Hey Gays!
I’ve tried and tried. And now I’m tired. I’ve said my piece on the subject of my brothers alcoholism before, here. But things have gone from bad to worse.
And the people responsible don’t seem to care, or are so fed up, that nothing will get said.
I’m sick to death of it. Like my parents go away to the country house most weekends now, just to get out of the city for a while. They have to lock the bedrooms, except mine and his and lock the room with the drinks cabinet in it.
I’m not allowed have my friends in. My parents love my friends, and my friends love my parents. Sure mammy was in with us last night telling baby stories about me. But if I’m allowed have people over when their away, by right, so is he.
So that means no fun, no movie nights, no sessions. In the hammerings of rain on a March night, and I have a big, warm, empty house, we can’t use it in case he comes home and then has all ‘the lads’ over to wreck the place.
No. it is so upsetting. I’m trying to be detached. I’m trying to not care, to keep thinking ‘It’s between them and him’, but it’s more and more in my face. he went out Friday morning, my parents went away for the weekend Friday afternoon.
He came home Monday night, breezed in, sat down and opened the paper like nothing had happened. And nobody said a word.
But the previous day, I heard my parents arguing over how to deal with his alcoholism. How they can’t put up with it. How their worried sick.
I don’t want to hear my mother crying. He doesn’t know his impact. My sister got it together, moved out and is successful.
Sister and I know the score; And there’s no point in playing happy families when we no it’s the opposite.
So why don’t I say anything to him? Because I’m the youngest. I feel like I shouldn’t have to have this as any of my business. But it is. And I need to get involved.
I don’t want to go into his room to grab deodorant, and find bags and bags of empty cans, vodka bottles, bottle of wine. Anything with Alcohol.
It’s disgusting. And friends are noticing. He was found out on the street in front of the house at 7AM once. Another time, he ran into family friends, and proceeded to make a show of himself.
Can you imagine the shame my poor mother felt?
(I’m no fan of my mother, but she does not deserve this. Every family has tiffs, but this is different.)
I need my parents to be frank. I need them and myself, and my sister to sit down, and draw up a solution for him. Whether it be stealing every cent he makes, following him about, talking to local outlets, asking them not to sell. Anything.
A happy family would be good. Nice.
Please.
7 comments:
I hope you'll figure out how to handle this. *hugs*
Wow, how incredibly painful to deal with...
The unfortunate thing is that even with all of those things you mention your family doing, he still will not stop. He'll drink whatever is available even if it is a common beauty or household product. Somehow the root of his addiciton must be addressed and he must be a willing participant. Based on what you've described it doesn't sound like he is at that point.
I've watched and am currently watching what an addiction can do to a family and to friends and it is heartbreaking. It leaves you torn and feeling powerless. I wish you and your family all the best in this struggle.
Hey Sam, remember a couple of mates I told you about when I saw you, who are involved with coordinating alcohol rehab in Ireland..... I was just chatting to one of them, he gave me some good info... I'll text you later x
I think his family cannot actually help him. And he obviously cannot help himself. However, the trigger for someone to suddenly seek help often comes from where you least expect it.
Maybe BECAUSE you have the role of the youngest sibling who doesn't interfere with his older siblings' lifes, maybe that would give it a lot of impact when you actually WOULD say something in THIS situation.
You can even kill to birds with one stone if you finally come out to him first (it's about time). Being open to him may create an atmosphere were he can talk more easily about his problems too (because straight people tend to see being gay as a problem). Moreover, this will also be conversation that he'll never forget, so tell him that you are worried sick about him in the same conversation and will remember that too.
Let's discuss this in more detail soon.
Tom - don't tell anyone, but I joined AA when I was 21. Hard to believe a 21 year old can be an alcholic? Look at my life, selling my body since 15 - even though I easily can write about it, believe me it fucked me up. You can not imagine how man teens and young men are at AA meetings (I still attend meetings twice a week - and it's a pain in the ass). I have not had a drink since May 27th, 2003. I certainly am in no position to preach to you, but there are only two ways for an alcholic to get help - one is a family intervention, the other is that you wait until the alcholic is READY for treatment. An alcholic will not seek help because he hurts his mother or brother no matter how much he loves them. It is a fuken disease which has taken over his life. If he won't seek help you need "tough love" - kick him out of your homes, don't give his money - all this does in enable an alcholic. He has to know he is tearing a family apart and that you will no longer allow it. Painful? Damn right! But it is necessary. This disease is also genetic. Look at your parents and other relatives, the odds are you will see it's roots. Your brother currently has NO control over his disease. You can NOT help him. He needs to help himself. Until he does, you can not allow him to live with your family and destroy whats left of your family.
Good Luck my friend - Kyle
Sam, I told you you needed to talk with some experts - ex drunks - about how to help your brother. One alcoholic whose life I help turned around says that insanity is repeating the same failed action over and over, in the hope that the next time it will work.
Kyle is exactly the sort of person you should be turning to now. I hope you do.
Thank you EVERYONE. Your support was appreciated, you have no idea how much.
I talked to him. But he just said to me that it wasn't a problem, and to fuck off.
And then I said to my mammy about mentioning to him, that I and EVERYONE knows whats going on.
I also mentioned the Stanhope centre. But right now I can hear them arguing.
It was a pointless exercise. I hope his descent is rapid, so he'll hurry the fuck up and get better.
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