Rehab

He’s going into a rehabilitation centre for four weeks. It’s a live-in, 24 hours a day situation. Of course this is a great thing, his alcoholism has plagued this family for the last 6 years.

At the same time, he has this self righteous attitude that he’s doing this grand gesture, so his shit no longer stinks. And to a certain degree my parents are heaping praise upon him.

I’m more sceptical. He’s had these “I’m going to stop drinking” moments before, then he’s turned around, hit the bottle, and broke my mothers heart all over again. Every time my parents go away, he drinks himself into an oblivion, I’m forced to clean up his mess, and lie to cover for him.

I’m still mildly resentful of him though. Does he want me to turn over and congratulate him? Because it’s not going to happen, he’s going to have to earn my respect. And I know what he’s going through, and I know alcoholism is an awful affliction, but I seemingly can’t muster up the sympathy.

And part of me feels like a horrible person for being unable to do so. And the other part of me is furious with him.

Comments? Words of wisdom?

Cake

Having your cake and eating it. Isn’t it convenient?

So I have Kevin, who is absolutely lovely, may I add. And today I met another fella called Connor.

So it all seemed like I was having my cake and eating it. And to be honest I’ve grown some sort of emotional attachment to Kevin, and it’s lovely, it really is.

But then again, I’m just waiting for it to blow up in my face again. Like what happened with the cork boy I liked. It’s got all the tell tail signs, all the familiar emotions.

and today felt like cheating. It really did. Apart from the face that this guy needed a shave and a toothbrush. He didn’t believe in Deodorant. he. stank!

I got out of there. and it does feel good to have Kevin to go back to. And still, I’m like, not fully over the cork boy.

OOOOH! I nearly forgot to tell ye! C’mere an’ I’ll tell ye!

I had a threesome last night with this couple I met on Squirt. One of them was overweight, dark eyed, and had an awful attitude. and the other was gorgeous! Hw wasn’t too thin, and had these gorgeous ‘take me to bed and I’ll make you breakfast in the morning’ eyes, and this smile that was infectious.

It was like a pleasure to fuck him, but the ugly one, quite literally made my dick go soft. Like I couldn’t get it up at all! It was kind of embarrassing. And the other thing was, the two of them kept staring at me, like all the time. It was off-putting in a weird way. Like being groped by a doctor for medical reasons.

Cocaine

bothers me. It really bothers me. Now, Jack has even written two posts (one & two) where he says he’s snorted it once, and that’s fine. But recently men who have come into my life have casually mentioned that they do cocaine whenever it’s offered to them.

Recently, a man who I cared about mentioned it, that he was off his face, and was going until 3PM the next day, and I thought nothing of it at the time. I didn’t go mad at him, didn’t storm off, but on the bus home, I got angrier and angrier. I then lost loads of respect for him, and then was disappointed.

Both myself, and a good friend of mine over at Tears of a Mannequin both agree that he made a crap decision, and we were both absolutely shocked. Like why?? He’s well educated, balanced, smart but cocaine?? Are we not better than that.

 

And who am I to say drugs are bad? Magic Mushrooms? Pills? Weed? Blow? Am I a filthy hypocrite?

Probably. But in my mind, there’s a clear divide between most drugs and things like cocaine, heroin, LSD, Speed, crack and harder drugs. They just seem like such a bad idea.

And recently, Kevin, the boy mentioned in my last post admitted to taking it whenever he’s offered it as well.

Should this bother me? You know gay men have like a drugs and sex party lifestyle, so if I cut out every man who does drugs, I’d have NO FRIENDS!

Thoughts?

Camping & Cork

So on good Friday, I went camping. It was brilliant, there' was supposed to be snow, but it never happened, I actually got sunburnt instead. I came out to everyone, which was brilliant and everyone took it well. I got home on the Monday and was only home for like one day before I headed to cork with the gays.

Cork is like, Irelands second largest city and largest county. Cork people are infamous for being fiercely proud of their city and county. Cork is ‘the real capital of Ireland’, ‘the peoples republic’, etc etc. I was a bit like “yeah whatever, you’re just jealous because you’re not the capital” or whatever, but my god what a city! If I don’t get my college course this year, I’m going to move down and get a job there for a year. Lovely wide modern streets, friendly people, a good gay scene, cork has it all!

We had so much fun there, it was unbelievable. So I came home on Friday and went out on Friday night, to a friends house. That was ok, but I then went home. I got home and my facebook chat popped up, from a boy named Kevin. Kevin is this guy I met on Squirt and he lives on my street, of all places. I’ve hooked up with him a few times, and he’s such a cool guy. SO I went down and had tea, and we were talking until about 4AM and he asked if I wanted to spend the night, and I did. That was nice, and we talked about a potential future together, and to see if something might come of us. Anyway that left me with a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

And now? I’ve got college tomorrow after two weeks off :(

That Is All

I’m going camping for the Easter weekend, I’ll be back Tuesday! Try to behave yourselves!