Pain In My Face

Sam here....

 

So I have a few bits and pieces on news for you all. My exams are in like 3 days, and I've spent like all my time on youtube, blogger, bebo & xtube. Just pissing my time away!

I got the teeny tiny mole above my eyebrow removed today too. You want pictures, doncha? Thought so! I went into the Hospital at two, had all my forms and shit done by half two. What time did I get it done at? A quarter to five. as in 4:45. Bear in mind that I had private healthcare, and I was still waiting for 3 hours. Anyway, it's gone, but I have to get my stitches out next Wednesday, so that should be fun...

It's above my left eyebrow, by the way kids!

 

Oh yeah, there's strange goings on in my house. All the upstairs lights,sockets, and the two showers have stopped working. Like completely. I flipped the breakers back up, and they just go straight back down, so I'm going to leave it. My dad usually fixes the shit when it stops working, but he's in Andorra until next week, so it's darkness all round!

I...em....I had a date with Dar tonight. And it was lovely. As your mammy would say. Lovely. We went to the cinema, to see Sex Drive. A fitting movie. We had a few cans of cider, a kiss. Afterwards we went for a walk down by the river, had a bit of a moment. A quick drop of the hand. You know yourself. Anyway, he said that he didn't want to use me, and that he wasn't going to be selfish, because he doesn't want to lose me as a friend. Which is a nice thing to hear, although I'm still skeptical. We went for food (he paid) and went our separate ways.

I'm not going to dwell on this, but can y'all go give JBGBC some love. He's going for a cancer appointment tomorrow, and I'd imagine he could use a distraction or two?

Also, can you comment Jack and tell him he's old. The words 'You are old' will suffice.

Other news...other news...oh. oh. OH. Today, during the 3 hours wait, some time after my phone and iPod both died, my mother told me to never sleep with men, it was a lesson having to go for HIV tests and masturbation is better than sleeping with people. She thinks every gay man is a killer. If that was the case I'd have a phonebook full of killers.

I sort of want to try LSD. Curiosity is getting the better of me. Tell me your not tempted, after reading this -

On April 25, 1943, Dr. Albert Hofmann intentionally ingested 250 µg of LSD. After ingesting the substance Hofmann found himself struggling to speak intelligibly and asked his laboratory assistant, who knew of the self-experiment, to escort him home on his bicycle. On the bicycle ride home, Hofmann's condition became more severe and in his journal he stated that everything in his field of vision wavered and was distorted, as if seen in a curved mirror. Hofmann also stated that while riding on the bicycle, he had the sensation of being stationary, unable to move from where he was, despite the fact that he was moving very rapidly.

The attending doctor could find no abnormal physical symptoms other than extremely dilated pupils. After spending several hours terrified that his body had been possessed by a demon, that his next door neighbour was a witch, and that his furniture was threatening him, Dr. Hofmann feared he had become completely insane. Hofmann mentions seeing "fantastic images" surging past him, alternating and opening and closing themselves into circles and spirals and finally exploding into coloured fountains and then rearranging themselves in a constant flux. Hofmann mentions that during the condition every acoustic perception, such as the sound of a passing automobile, was transformed into optical perceptions. Eventually Hofmann slept and upon awakening the next morning felt refreshed and clearheaded, though somewhat physically tired. He also stated that he had a sensation of well being and renewed life and that his breakfast tasted unusually delicious. Upon walking in his garden he remarked that all of his senses were "vibrating in a condition of highest sensitivity, which then persisted for the entire day"

Awesome. I'm going to leave you on that bombshell.

15%

Sam here....

My parents both work for the Irish Government. And today it was said that their is an extremely high possibility that they will have wage cuts. Between the 2 of them, it amounts to 15% of the household income.

And we were discussing it with them in a 'sit down' talk. Myself and Simon, the sibling, will have to get jobs if we want to stay in college. The heating is being reduced. CFL energy saving bulbs everywhere.

Damn, now I'm looking for a part time job.

This is shit. I blame the government entirely. They lost 8 billion euro.

How the fuck do you lose 8 billion? If I find it, I'm keeping it.

Bastards. 

Sometimes CTRL+Z* Doesn't Work

Sam here....

 

So I'm pretty happy these days, that has been established, but there's a lingering sadness I've cut out, but don't want to forget. This post is more for my sanity, and a way that I can think about the situation and look back upon it, and remember how I felt.

Simon is my brother. Yes, my parents made brutal choices with naming their two sons Sam & Simon, but there you go. Simon is 21 (22?) and an alcoholic.

It's funny, I found an old phone in the house a little while ago, and while flicking through, I came across a calendar note, dated 22th February 2003.

"First time drinking :-)"

This is where it snowballed from. Simon has never been socially comfortable, nor has he been able to feign confidence like most of us. Because not everybody is truly confident. It's a front to stop us getting ripped to shreds by other people, looking to humiliate someone weaker, so nobody notices their imperfections.

So brother realises that the world is rosy when he's had a few too many lagers, and that life happens to be brilliant, because he's confident, 'the lads' think he is some sort of idol, who can drink the most.

The lads. This irritates me to no end. It's such a testosterone filled, men's world, chain the woman to the cooker' idea. The lads.

Simon has brains. Don't get me wrong. He doubled my scores in the leaving cert, he was doing biochemistry and micro science, both promising fields. Until he realised that he could skip college during the day, drink all night and skip college the next day. He failed, dropped out, and began working in a betting shop. And did so for a year.

Spending every ill-earned penny on drink. He had no savings, no education. Nothing. But did he care? No. He just drank.

My parents. I begin to feel bad for the ol' strumpet. Both my mothers parents were alcoholics, her brother is a recovering alcoholic. And now her oldest son. She cried, pleaded, demanded, begged him to curb his drinking. But he couldn't stop.

Oh, he wasn't the one with the problem. Oh no. It wasn't his fault.

Something had to give.

Last new years day, my parents collected him from a *Garda station. He had been drinking in his shameless local pub, and collapsed. He owed everyone money. He was sick. Poor. Broken. All his friends didn't help him, an onlooker called an ambulance and the police.

He arrived home, and broke down. I was sent upstairs at this point because it was a closed doors conversation, but I know he confessed to being an alcoholic. And this was the start. The start of resuming the happy family life.

A councillor was employed, to help him control his addiction. There were minor slip-ups, but aside from that, it looked as if things would be OK.

This new years. He arrived him from work on new years eve, with a box of Stella (an icky larger/beer). The parents were away.

He had been sober for 6 months. 6 months. 24 weekends had passed, where he didn't go out, get blind drunk and ring me at 5AM, hurling abuse at me for not getting up to answer the door. He didn't dare ring the bell in case a parent got up to answer.

And now. He arrives home, 2 days later with another box. another 24 bottles. And I know he will drink all of them.

I just needed to write that down for myself.

 

 

 

 

*For those that don't get the title, CTRL+Z is the 'undo' function for Windows.

**Garda. From Garda Siochana, the Irish police. It translates to 'Peaceful Guards'. Their unarmed.

Happy Goodbye

Sam here....

I'm the happiest I've been in weeks. And I don't know why!

 

This Alan business needs to be addressed. Like seriously. I'm so over him, it's not even funny!

Basically, I offered a relationship, on a plate to him, and he said it was too soon. So I accepted that, because after I said it, I thought so too. So that was grand. I invited him to Pantibar last Monday, but he went out on the Sunday night, in full knowledge that I wanted him to come out the next day. And drank all his money away. So he chose that. Which was fair enough.

I'm being too fucking nice. I'm not this nice. He's evidently taking me for granted, every time he gets bored. He has a weird cock. and he's super arrogant. I changed my status back to single.

I'm just. Alan annoys me in ways I overlooked until they were glaringly obvious. So now I have to tell him to go away. But I am going to be nice about it. One last time.

365

One cringeworthy year ago, I started this blog. Read my first entry here. So one year on, I may be older and wiser, but I'm also happier.

 

So this is a good thing. I've kept this post short and sweet, and I  hope 2009 follows suite.

Have a great 2009 guys!