College, Debs, Dar and 10 Months of Nothing

Sam here....

So yeah, One week of college under my belt. It's sunday night, everything is gravy in terms of my education. I'm basically the nerd of the class, there's only 25 of us. But the difference now is, the more you learn, the more you earn. Cheesy, yes, I know, and I apologise. Em, so this education thing is fine. I haven't told anyone that I'm gay yet, but I'm not arsed hiding, you know that way. They'll figure it out soon enough. Oh, yeah. I've some embarrassing shit to tell in a minute.

So. I saw Dar in town on Friday afternoon for coffee and pastries. Basically we had what seemed a small fight, about after his Cunt of a boyfriend was shit to me, Dar sticks up for CuntBoy, even though it was totally undeserved. He then threw some bitchy shit at me, and reminded me that I've had no form of relationship since him, so how could I be over him(which I am not. but no way would I ever admit that!). I told him to take his head out of his arse and stop thinking so highly of himself. Later that night, he apologized (Y)

So yeah, that kind of threw me off. And on the bus home. I basically wrote a big long ranty text, and while I was sitting in there, in my Ripped-at-the-ends jeans, blue vans, red hoodie and scarf, I fucking bawled my eyes out. everyone must have been like 'What the Fuck?', but i didn't care. I went home. Got into bed. Took off my clothes, and cried some more. Single. For 10 months. It's not like I've been hiding in the fucking closet either. I've been throwing myself around quite a bit. And nothing. I felt so alone. So someone rang, like the good friend they are, they came over, got me out of bed, and we went out. I cheered up cosmetically. But inside I wanted to go back to bed.

So the next day, the isolation deepens. My own family, my fucking family are not telling me stuff, like my sisters boyfriend is coming around. What boyfriend, who? Why did nobody tell me this, when everyone seems to know. Oh, and my brother is having a dinner party. Since when? Oh, we've been planning it for 2 weeks. Oh, you must have been out, or busy with college or your friends.

I'm going to be thin by christmas. I'm 15.5Stone (98.4 KG's) now. As of yesterday. I'm joining weight watchers. I want to lose at least 4 stone (25KG's) by christmas. Or at least by February. I've never been so determined. I want someone I haven't seen in a while to look at me and ask if i've been doing meth, because i'm so fucking thin. That thin. Like drug-abuser thin! That'd be nice.

My Débutantes Ball is tomorrow. It was organised by my old school. We get dressed up in suits and girls in dresses, get limo's down the rural parts of the country, have a meal in a hotel, dance the night away, and get a bus back to the city at about 8 the next morning! And mine is tomorrow! OMG I've never been so unexcited. Like I don't gave a shit at this point. I just want this affair to be over. I'm bringing a good friend, who's parents and my parents have been friends for years. The girls are looking forward to it, but I think it'll be a nightmare. It's that everyone is building this thing up to be the end of the world but I don't think it'll be what everyone wants it to be. It might be a bit anti-climactic.

College in the morning. Flavour of the week right now Is Kate Bush and MGMT But not together.