Dar started a conversation with this guy we'll call Mark on MSN, and added me, We had a 3 way conversation. Mark was 20, from a different part of Ireland, nice, cute, intelligent and funny. He added me and we chatted about everything for about 3 hours. I got a call from an unknown number. It was Dar. Mark had taken a shitload of pills, slit his wrists and wasn't answering the phone, or writing back. Dar called an ambulance to his house, and I rang him back then. He told me that after he rang the ambulance, he rang Mark, and a doctor answered. That was ok, but I couldn't sleep. Mark is a happy guy, seemingly normal. What drove him to that? He seemed so happy. I can understand that completely at the same time though. When I was battling with some inner demons, and times were worse, the thought crossed my mind. Things for me anyway, are ok now.
The next day and Mark came online. He started the conversation. He was his usual happy self. I was asked not to mention it to him, and the conversation was as if nothing had happened, just normal conversation. I was a bit confused.
Now, here's my thought; Is Mark hiding depression or is Dar lying to me? I know it seems cynical but I don't know. I suppose I'm a pessimist. I always look for the downside. I know the whole 'glass half full' thing, but the world isn't like that. The world is full of liars and cheaters, and nice people, unless they stick together will get torn down and left with nothing.
It's kind of shaken me. I can't understand why. But if Dar is lying to me, I'll never speak to him again. I know that much.
Any thoughts?
Current Listening; Hedwig & The Angry Inch - Sugar Daddy
5 comments:
Well, pills can make one do strange things, and using a knife on oneself could then be for a completely different reason than a suicide attempt. Moreover, if it's only superficial cuts, then he could well be back the next day.
Still, I don't believe it. I think Dar is lying, although I cannot see why he would. If he did, he's been an asshole. But never say lines with 'never' in them...
And: Of course you couldn't sleep! Thank God, you couldn't sleep: you're human.
Btw, I didn't see you online on msn yesterday.
One of the things I did as a kid which has caused me much shame is that while editing my university newspaper, I published the suicide note of an undergrad. The assistant dean who dealt with such things asked me to come and see her. I expected to be reprimanded, and I expected to pontificate about the freedom of the press.
I don't remember exactly what happened, but I walked away with an enormous respect for this old lady who dealt with the dead students, and their parents and their roommates and their blood.
A suicide attempt is not something which should be ignored in polite company, like a mistimed fart. If this boy is someone whom you see as a guy you'd like as a friend, you must risk the friendship by asking the fundamental embarassing question: what the fuck were you doing. He needs and deserves to know that his life and death are not matters of anecdotal near indifference to those he has touched.
And if Dar did lie to you, I hope you do better by him than never speaking to him again. He, too, needs to learn something.
I am grateful the old lady dean saw fit to speak to me, and to do so in a fashion where I could hear. She became one of my great heros.
Rick
Jack, he took planned his suicide. He was on like panadol and paracetemol. According to dar, this had been planned for 2 weeks?
Rick, I don't want to offend anyone. But I'm not going to let it go. I just have to think about it
V&C,
That's a different story then. But it you plan this for two weeks, would you do it while chatting? Yes, only if you want someone to prevent you from dying. So it really seemed to be a cry for help.
Dar had put you in an awkward situation. You cannot talk with Mark about the most important thing that's going on. Why don't you explain this to Dar? Tell him you really want to talk with Mark about it. Dar knows you are a sensitive and intelligent guy, who won't say something stupid...
There is still the possibility that Dar lied, but why would he?
Why would Dar lie? to see if he can control me? Kind of like testing his power level over me I suppose?
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