Older. Calmer. Wiser.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

DEAD

I’ve been thinking more and more about killing myself lately. And as rational as my thought are, they just seem like an answer. Sam X

5 comments:

MadeInScotland said...

Once I had a glass of red wine standing by, and many, many crushed paracetamol.

Then I found out how painful and prolonged a death that was. I was too much of a coward in the face of pain.

Had there been a gun, I might not be here.

I am so glad I didn't go, though. Although I thought, wished, my life was over, it really, really wasn't.

There is still things I'd like to change, things we struggle through, but here I'm glad I stayed.

ahoj

Dean Grey said...

Sam!

Ahhh.....

I've been where you are MANY times before.

I thought for sure that suicide was the only way out. So much so, that I actually made arrangements and planned where I'd do it.

It's not because you want to die. No. You just want the hurting to stop and you don't how to make that happen. It feels like you don't have many options left in life. So death becomes an escape of sorts.

Nothing in life is guaranteed but life is also constantly changing too. You may not have the relationships you want now but that doesn't mean you won't have them with other people down the road.

Who knows where you'll be five years from now unless you're still living!

I'll leave you with a quote that's always been ingrained in my head when I thought I couldn't take anymore from life:

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." -- Thomas Jefferson.

(((HUGS)))

-Dean

Night Sai said...

Okay first off, life sucks and shit happens. It has always been that way and it will always been that way.

But even when life sucks, you have to look at the positives. Yeah, it's easier said than done. But only you can make life better. No one else has to deal with the shit you deal with. Only you have the ability to change the way things are. Fuck everyone who doesn't like it. There's so much more to life than just getting screwed over all the time- and sometimes you have to take it upon yourself to find the better things in life.

Taking your own life is only going to result in pain for the people who care about you. (And despite whatever bullshit you're dealing with, there are people who care about you).

Just like Dean said, life changes.
Tomorrow may be a brighter day; and even if it isn't, just take life one day at a time. Don't throw it all away just because you have a shitty day/week/month/year.

Alan said...

I was in a similar position 14 years ago at age 45. Then, after so many unsuccessful visits to gay bars, I was invited to a nunnery in Bury St Edmunds (yes, really) and there I met this guy with whom I am still in a happy relationship 14 years later. (and btw our first wekend away together was in Dublin) I honestly believe that the darkest hour is just before dawn. Stick with life and it will eventually reward you.

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