Internal Homophobia

Sam here....




I got a text from this girl I used to consider a good friend last night and it pissed me off.

Her-"...at 6 so be there or be gay! xxx"

Me-"Or be gay? because being gay is a bad thing that means you can't do anything? How could I forget? xx"

She never responded. But I never noticed homophobia until the video here by chris crocker about the phrase 'That's so gay'. After I watched it I started noticing it everywhere for abouty a week then forgot about it until I got that text. It makes me kind of disappointed that despite the fact that most people claim to be ok with it their not.


As out 3 readers know, I came out to my mother as bi last august. Oh she pretended that it was ok and that everything would be ok. Lies. She was so not ok with it. And neither was my father, He just seemed angrier a lot of the time, arguments would flare up over the way I put dishes in the dishwasher FFS! But over the last 6-7 months whenever I'm going out the bluntly tell me not to be seen as gay. No boys, no fun. They reminded me that homosexual acts are illegal in this country(that law was abolished in 1994). They know this because I've said it to them but still. They want me to be internally homosexual. I don't want to fight, I just want things to go back to the way they were. I can't look either of them in the eye and there is not one day that goes by that I don't regret telling them. I'm glad everyone else knew before they did because it was a net of acceptance to fall back on.
What am I going to do when they start questioning the lack of woman and the abundance of man? Not that I'd ever bring someone home to this house they'd be buried in the back garden before I got their pants off. I have to go away somewhere else if I want to see a boy.

First proper kiss- On holly's stairs
First handjob- On holly's bedroom floor
First hickey- In holly's bed
First head- On holly's floor

Sensing a pattern? Holly is my rock, and I love her for it.

Chris Crocker-